i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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