im six kinds of drunk right now
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
