Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize