there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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