Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
