Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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