Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
