oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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