pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
