she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
