my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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