Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
