Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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