now i know why i became what i already was.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
