i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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