Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
