I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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