i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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