not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
