I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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