Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
