if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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