Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it was like eating out sand paper
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
