I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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