We named our party play list daddy issues
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
did i walk over a car last night?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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