i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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