Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
