that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
