i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
