My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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