Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
