I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My liver is preforming stress tests.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
