it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Can I color on your dick again?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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