Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
