if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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