I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
