Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This is the high leading the old right now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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