You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
