Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
