Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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