I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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