too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
