and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
