i just had sex bonerless
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
