Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
