At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
4 words: hood of his car
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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