it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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