i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize