I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
