I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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