I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
