It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
