hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
