she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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