First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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