Please don't use social media to get back at me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
