She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
