I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
