We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
