He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
