i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
