The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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