my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
