new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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