Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
