I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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