ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
