She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
