i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
