is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
