i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
