she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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